i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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