Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
