white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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