Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
