So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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