I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
