I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
We got so high we made milksteak
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
