Don't you send me to vm
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
