I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
