College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
