$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize