Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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