So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
