end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
