I murdered the dance floor call the cops
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
