I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
