I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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