guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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