I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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