At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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