I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
