id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
