i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
