it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I wish there were birth control emojis
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize
