Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
