I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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