You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
