Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
we're making bets on your personal life
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
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