The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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