where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Help. Why am I so naked?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
