News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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