I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Randomize
