I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
