Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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