this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
