I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
