Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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