I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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