two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
