nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize