My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
