I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
