just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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