Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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