ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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