someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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