after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
