I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
