those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
