Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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