Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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