YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
