True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Randomize
