I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Dear god my vagina.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
