So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
