not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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