I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize