I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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