listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
