dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He felt like a one man threesome
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
