Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
