I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
