I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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