we have pet lesbian snakes
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
