I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
