That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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